I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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