where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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