I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
