Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
