I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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