Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
