While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
