Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
