so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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