We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
