i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
