I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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