He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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