I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
