Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
