we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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