I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
