coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
