i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
