I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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