After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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