I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
