tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
