someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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