we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So much rum. So many feels.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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