apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
