im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
