it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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