he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
