My friends, they love my intelligence
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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