Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
