Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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