No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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