yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
