Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
