the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
