It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Farmville is her only friend.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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