remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
