Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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