i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
