I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
