Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
