We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
