the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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