If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
