I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
