it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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