I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
please come you make the beer taste better
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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