I wish I could punch you in the face.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
