I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think I sprained my soul last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
