Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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