I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
